


by my side until the end

by Jenfly



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt Brian May, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, RPF, Sad with a Happy Ending, Supportive Roger, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 07:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20327140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenfly/pseuds/Jenfly
Summary: "I’ll always be there for you.”





	by my side until the end

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, well, my mind decided it was good to write something more angsty and this quite long piece was born. I'm pretty happy how this turned out, though the ending isn't as great as I had imagined/planned in my head. :D Anyway, hope you like this!

Roger’s eyes shone bright, the sparkles in them were like stars that reflected from the clear blue surface of the sea and Brian was sure he only fell harder for the drummer. His heart was thrumming in his chest, waves of bubbling warmth coursing through his body as Roger smiled at him and all he could do was stare at the golden haired beauty sitting beside him at the studio couch.

Then Roger was saying something but his clouded mind wasn’t registering any of his words and he shook his head.

”Sorry, what?”

Roger let out a light chuckle and Brian’s heart jumped a little.

”Thank you for the gift,” Roger said, pointing at the necklace he was now wearing. 

”Oh, you’re welcome,” Brian smiled, his eyes then falling to the necklace.

”It isn’t even my birthday, yet you still gave me this. Honestly, this means a lot.”

Roger’s hand settled on Brian’s arm, squeezing gently, and Brian smiled at him softly.

”Special person deserves a special gift.”

The confusion flashed in Roger’s eyes but his smile didn’t fade as he gave another squeeze to Brian’s arm before standing up and making his way to the door. Brian’s eyes followed him and as the door closed, he let out a long sigh.

_If he only knew…_

* * *

They both were a little bit tipsy, standing at the balcony drinks in their hands and leaning against the railing. The sound of music and people chatting felt distant as Brian’s eyes were focused on Roger. His blonde hair were tousled, cheeks glowing slightly pink due to alcohol in his blood, blue eyes scanning over the darkness outside and Brian found himself getting lost in that beauty again. 

Roger took a sip of his drink, slightly shifting and Brian caught a glimpse of a silvery piece of jewelry hanging around his neck. The warmth tingled in his chest, yet there was something else moving along with it. A pang of guilt, sadness. 

”You’re staring again,” the words whispered with a soft voice reached Brian’s ears, cutting off his train of thoughts. Only then Brian realized Roger was looking at him, worry evident in his eyes. 

”You’ve been getting lost into your head more often lately,” Roger said, turning his whole body towards Brian and taking a few steps closer to him. ”I know something’s wrong when that happens.”

Roger set his drink down on the railing, reaching to take Brian’s free hand in his. 

”You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

Brian nodded and the look in Roger’s eyes changed to pleading.

”Then please, tell me what’s bothering you.”

Brian took in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling more sober as he also set his drink to rest on the railing. Roger brushed his thumb along his knuckles, waiting for him to say something.

”I can’t,” Brian eventually managed to beathe out.

”Why?” Roger’s voice sounded now desperate, the worry deepening in those blue orbs. Brian felt a sting in his heart and he lowered his gaze.

”I don’t want to ruin anything between us.”

”Nothing could ever ruin things between us,” Roger said, his voice now steady. ”You’re my best friend and I love you and that’s not going to change. I’ll always be there for you.”

Brian squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back tears that were now burning in his eyes. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but it stuck where it was, making his breathing shallow. Roger squeezed his hand, the touch feeling comforting yet so wrong at the same time. As the tears finally broke free, Roger wrapped his arms around him and Brian felt powerless. He grabbed fistful of Roger’s shirt, clinging to him like a lost child while broken sobs shook his body. 

”It’s okay, Bri. It’s okay,” Roger whispered as he slowly run his hand along Brian’s back.

_No, it’s not okay…_

* * *

”I can’t do this anymore,” Roger groaned in frustration, sending his drumsticks flying in the air as he stood up from his stool. He approached Brian fast and Brian had to quickly set his guitar on the stand before Roger grabbed the front of his shirt and pushed him against the nearest wall. Brian gasped as his back hit the hard wall, staring at Roger with wide eyes.

”This has to stop now. You’ve been acting weird around me for a while now and given me way too many excuses,” Roger started, the anger now clear in his voice as he looked at Brian in warning. ”I guess now it’s a good time for a truth, isn’t it?”

Brian’s heart was racing, mostly of fear as he knew this time Roger wouldn’t settle for some half a lie, the look in his eyes being a clear indication of that. He swallowed, feeling the all too familiar lump in his throat, drawing then in a sharp breath. 

”Rog...” 

His voice sounded so weak to his own ears as he shook his head, eyes pleading. 

”No, Brian. I’ve had enough. We’re not leaving here until you tell me what’s going on.”

Roger was so close now that Brian could feel his breath fanning over his face and Brian had to close his eyes, shivers coursing through his body. He tensed as he felt a hand on his cheek but relaxed as the fingers started to gently caress his skin.

”I’m not going to hurt you,” Roger spoke now with a softer voice, loosening his grip on Brian’s shirt. ”Please, Bri...”

He opened his eyes only to see Roger’s blue ones filled with sadness. Something unpleasant moved in his chest, it was like someone had poked his heart with a blunt object, and Brian hated it. He hated to know that beside hurting himself he was also hurting Roger.

”What have I done?”

The question was something Brian hadn’t expected and it broke his heart to hear Roger thinking he had done something. Brian shook his head, feeling the tears form in his eyes.

”Nothing. You’ve done nothing. This is… It’s me. I’m - -” Brian cut off as a single tear escaped free, falling to his cheek.

Roger’s brows furrowed in worry, his gaze now soft, even slightly desperate as he brushed the tear away with his thumb and Brian knew he had lost the battle. 

”I’m sorry.”  
”Why are you - -”  
”I’m in love with you.”

The words slipped out of his mouth so easily and for a moment Brian felt lighter, like a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and he could finally breathe properly. Then the reality hit him, the fear creeping into him, filling every cell of his body as he realized the utter silence had filled the room. Roger hands had fallen to his sides, the mix of emotions flashing in his eyes as he stared at Brian mouth slightly open.

Suddenly the air felt heavy and Brian barely dared to breathe.

Then Roger took a step back, his gaze turning sad and apologetic as he shook his head and Brian’s stomach twisted, his heart sinking in his chest.

”I… Bri, I’m sorry, I - -” 

Brian knew. He knew Roger didn’t feel the same. It was written all over his face so he didn’t even need to say it. The tears fell free as Brian’s world came crashing down, the pieces of his heart scattering all around, falling like petals of a dying rose.

”I don’t - -” Roger tried again but Brian interrupted him.  
”Don’t...” he breathed out with a broken voice, tears flowing and painting his face. ”I know.”

”I’m so, so sorry.” 

Roger sounded so sad and Brian could almost swear he saw tears glistening in the drummer’s eyes. When Roger reached out to take Brian’s hand in his, Brian flinched, fastly pulling his hand away and escaping from the space between a wall and Roger. Roger’s gaze looked so hurt, it was like a stab to Brian’s heart but right now Brian couldn’t let Roger touch him. It was all too much and he couldn’t bear it. Yet he still didn’t want anything more than to wrap his arms around the drummer, hold him close and pretend that nothing had changed.

”I need air,” Brian said, tearing his gaze away from Roger and turning to head to the door. Just as he was about to close the door he heard Roger to speak up.

”I’ll be there for you.”

With a sigh, Brian closed the door, the click sound echoing in the empty, little hallway. There was an odd, unclear feeling in his chest, beside the fresh ache of a broken heart as he walked along the hallway, eventually exiting the studio building. Maybe it was hope, maybe something else, but Brian couldn’t let himself dwell on it now. Everything was a mess and he needed to be alone.

A broken sob shook his body as he leaned against the wall outside studio. He slid to the ground, burying his face in his hands and letting the pain flow free.

* * *

Freddie and John had noticed something had been off between him and Roger, Brian knew it. They hadn’t said anything but the concerned glances towards them had told enough and Brian wished for a millionth time that everything would go back to normal. Ever since his confession, things had been awkward between him and Roger, though they had tried their best to act like nothing had changed. Of course it hadn’t gone well and there had been this gray cloud hanging above them whenever they were in the same room. Just like now when they were trying to have a proper rehearsal in for what felt like ages.

”Should we take a break?” Freddie asked, brows slightly raised and worried eyes on Brian. Brian sighed, not being sure if break was the answer. 

”Let’s just take a break,” John stated, deciding for all of them and sparing a glance at Roger who had been quiet for most of the time. Brian couldn’t help but look at the drummer, too, who twirled his drumsticks before setting them aside. Then he stood up, eyes meeting Brian’s briefly as he walked past him, then settling himself on the couch and stealing a cig from John who had just lit up one for himself. John, however, didn’t protest, just raised his brows and shook his head before searching for another cig and lighting it.

Brian’s shoulders sagged as he set Red Special on the stand and sat down on the nearest amplifier.

”Okay, you two,” Freddie started, motioning between Roger and Brian. ”What’s going on? You’ve barely talked to each other for the past days.”

Brian let out a long sigh, drawing his hand across his face. 

”It’s a long story.”

”Brian is in love with me,” Roger stated like it wasn’t a big deal and Brian wished the ground could swallow him whole. However, the looks on John and Freddie’s faces were surprised but not judgemental and Brian felt slightly better that his secret had been revealed.

”Oh shit.”  
”That explains why you’ve been acting so weird lately,” John said, pointing at Brian. Then his expression changed curious, gaze moving from Brian to Roger and back to Brian. 

”Based on the way you two are acting now, the confession part didn’t go so well.”

”The biggest issue might actually be that that I don’t feel the same,” Roger spoke again, searching for Brian’s gaze. The blue eyes were apologetic with a hint of sadness and it felt like someone grabbed Brian’s heart and squeezed it hard.

”Oh...” Freddie breathed out, giving a sympathetic look to Brian. John took a long drag from his cig, seeming to be in thought, and Brian closed his eyes for a moment. He drew in a deep breath, trying to will away the unpleasant, squeezing feeling in his chest but it stubbornly stayed. 

”Have you two talked since… the confession? Like properly talked?” 

Brian opened his eyes as John spoke and shook his head to answer the question. John and Freddie shared a meaningful look and Brian knew what they were thinking.

”Maybe you should talk,” Freddie said, taking a few steps closer to the door. ”Seems like you both need to come clear what’s going on in your heads.”

John stood up, his eyes going back and forth between Brian and Roger. ”Freddie is right, you need to talk.”

Roger slowly nodded, taking a drag from his cig, his eyes changing pleading as he looked at Brian. 

”Fine, go,” he said quietly, motioning Freddie and John to leave him and Roger alone. When the door closed after them, Brian started to feel nervous. Roger seemed to tense up a bit, too, taking a few quick drags from the cig and blowing the smoke out in short parts.

”Could you come sit here?” the drummer then asked, voice soft and gaze hopeful. Brian hesitated at first but decided then that it couldn’t be that bad – after all, there was plenty of space on the couch as it was big. Roger’s eyes followed as he set himself at a good distance.

Roger reached over the nearest ashtray and put the rest of the cig away, then turning his whole body towards Brian.

”I’m sorry.”

”Can you please stop saying that ’cause it’s not helping at all,” Brian pleaded, though his tone might have sounded a bit harsh.

”What else am I supposed to say? That I don’t care that you have feelings for me?” Roger’s voice got higher as he spoke and the softness in it didn’t disappear as he continued. ”I can’t say that because I do care. They are your feelings and they matter. I can’t just ignore them or pretend they never existed.”

Brian opened his mouth but no words came out and Roger used the chance to keep talking.

”I hate to see you suffer because all of this. It hurts to see you suffer when I know I’m the reason for it. A part of me actually wishes I would feel the same so that you wouldn’t have to go through the pain of rejection.”

The gray cloud above them seemed to move further, making room for something else. Something more colorful. The tiniest wave of warmth filled Brian heart, mending together a few broken pieces and for the first time in what felt like forever Brian saw a glimpse of hope. Hope for that he and Roger would find their shared beat again. 

He didn’t trust his voice, instead he just offered Roger a small smile, hoping it would tell enough. The look in Roger’s eyes changed softer and the blue color stood out more, but the usual spark was still missing. And it was missing because of Brian.

”I’m sorry,” he whispered eventually.

”You don’t need to apologize. It’s not like you can control who you fall in love with. And I know it’s hard for you to be around me now but maybe over time it will get easier.”

It surely wouldn’t be easy as he saw Roger every day but he could at least try. After all, he didn’t want to lose Roger and their friendship. 

”Yeah, maybe,” Brian said quietly, offering a small smile to Roger again. This time Roger smiled at him back, making the hopeful feeling inside Brian grow a bit.

”I don’t want to lose you,” he had to add and Roger’s smile widened as something in his eyes lightened up.

”I don’t want to lose you, either,” Roger admitted. ”And as I said before, I’ll be there no matter what. So how about we take a step at a time so that this would be more comfortable to you?”

Brian sighed grateful, feeling now more lighter than for days.

”A step at a time sounds good.”

* * * * * *

As days turned to weeks and weeks to months everything had fallen back to normal between Brian and Roger. Of course there had been a bad day here and there but otherwise all had gone pretty smoothly, much to Brian’s surprise. The pain of rejection had started to change – it wasn’t so crushing anymore, though it was still there. And Brian was sure the pain would never fully go away but it was something he could learn to live with. 

Roger had made everything easier, even on those bad days. He had made sure to keep his distance, to give Brian space the guitarist needed and Brian was grateful for it. Roger had also reminded him countless of times that he would not go away, that he would be there every step of the way, and sometimes it made Brian feel a little bit overwhelming. He knew Roger did it for because he cared about Brian and their friendship but sometimes Brian felt like he was using Roger’s closeness to fill the void the rejection had left behind. 

It was mostly a passing feeling and Brian really didn’t want to think about their friendship as some kind of a filler. 

”You’re overthinking.”

A familiar voice reached Brian’s ears, pulling him back to earth and soon he felt a light pat on his left shoulder. He turned his head to look at Roger who was now standing beside him, blue eyes gazing down at him soft yet slightly concerned.

”Sorry, was there something I needed to do?”

Roger shook his head and moved then to sit on the armchair nearby. ”I can see something’s bothering you again. Do you want to talk about it?”

Brian let out a long sigh, eyes flickering to the floor and then back to Roger.

”This is stupid and I don’t know why I feel like this but… sometimes I feel like I’m using your closeness to fill the void that was caused by your rejection.”

Roger raised his brow, the look in his eyes changing into confusion. 

”I kind of know what you mean, but then I also don’t know what you mean,” the drummer said, causing Brian to chuckle lightly.

”It’s weird, I know, but that’s how I feel.”

Roger hummed, nodding slightly. ”Everything is still kind of blurred between the lines on your part, so your mind probably tries to figure out where the one line ends and the other begins. And it’s not like you have to feel bad for taking what you can get – after all, I’ve gladly given you all I can.”

There was a small smile on Roger’s lips and Brian couldn’t help but smile back. Roger really knew how to make him feel better and every single one of these kind of moments took them closer to their goal. Their friendship was still there – it had only been bent but not broken. 

”You’ve been amazing during all of this,” Brian stated quietly, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. ”It means a lot.”

”You’ve done the hardest part by not shutting me out. You could have told me to leave, say you never wanted to see me again but you didn’t.”

”I never could have done it,” Brian’s voice got thick emotion, the tears started to burn in his eyes and he could see Roger tear up, too. 

”I know,” Roger said, smiling, and stood then up, walking closer to Brian. Brian stood up, too, and hesitantly Roger spread his hands, asking for a hug. Tears escaped from Brian’s eyes as he smiled and took a step closer to Roger, wrapping his arms around him. Roger relaxed into embrace immediately, arms going tightly around Brian as he buried his face in Brian’s chest. The wave of warmth mixed with the slight, stinging pain inside Brian and he closed his eyes, tears falling along his cheeks freely.

It was their first, proper hug in weeks and Brian had almost forgotten how it felt to held Roger so close. And now he realized just how much he had missed this, being able to be affectionate with Roger. He had been afraid of physical contact, thinking it might be too distracting and not help him to move on and so he had kept his distance and only settled for some brief touches. He had thought this kind of closeness would make him weak but now, as he stood there, in the embrace of his best friend, he felt anything but weak. 

As the seconds went by and eventually turned to minutes, Brian grew more sure of it that he could do this, that he could move on. As long as Roger would be by his side, he could do anything.

* * * * * *

”Do you remember it?” Brian asked quietly, eyes scanning over the horizon and the city lights. Roger shifted beside him, gently nudging him with this hand.

”Of course I remember. It’s been so long since those days but I could never forget that time,” Roger answered and Brian let out a sigh.

It really had been a long time since he had gone through the pain of rejection. Decades had passed and now it all was just a memory. There was still this tiny, empty hole in Brian’s heart but the pain was gone. He had gotten over Roger – the feelings had eventually shaped back into love he felt for a friend and he had moved on. Roger had been there all along, walking by his side and offering support and comfort whenever Brian had needed it. Together they had worked their way back to the light, building their friendship bit by bit, and eventually they had found the same beat again. The roots of the old magic had always been there but after everything it had changed and something new had been born. This new finding grew into something more profound as he and Roger got closer and now the two of them were stronger than ever. They were brothers, who would always have each other’s backs in both good and bad days, who would be there for each other until the end.

”It’s quite funny to think about it all now,” Brian continued, turning his head so he could look at Roger. ”There’s still this part of me that’s empty but it’s not like it needs to be filled.”

The look in Roger’s eyes was understanding, blue orbs shining soft and bright at dusk of night. A small smile rose to the drummer’s lips and he took a hold of Brian’s left hand, squeezing it gently.

”Time has healed the wounds.”

Brian smiled back at Roger, warmth spreading in his chest. ”I never could have done it without you and I don’t think I’ve ever said how grateful I am that you were there through it all.”

Roger hummed and shook his head, smile still on his lips. ”I’m pretty sure you’ve thanked me countless times but I guess one more time won’t hurt.”

Brian chuckled, nudging Roger with his arm playfully. Roger grinned, his eyes sparkling of joy, and Brian pulled his left hand free from Roger’s hold and sneaked his arm around the drummer’s shoulders, pulling him closer. At first Roger tried to squirm away from Brian’s hold but eventually he gave up and leaned against him, letting out a sigh. Brian’s heart fluttered happily as he felt Roger’s hand settling on his back.

”We really did it, didn’t we?” Roger stated and Brian knew he was also referring to their music career, not just the rebuilding of their friendship.

”Yeah, we did it,” Brian agreed. ”And I’m glad I’m still getting to share this all with you.”

”Until the end, brother.”

”Until the end.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated. ^__^


End file.
